{"title":"Lolcow Crypt","description":"\u003cp\u003e🧟 Welcome to the \u003cstrong\u003eLolcow Crypt\u003c\/strong\u003e — where the undead herd rises. Official merch from the Crypt show featuring G Laden, Jaffe, and TechProtect. Zombie cow mascot, graveyard vibes, dark green aesthetics. The dead walk, and they have merch.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"lolcow-crypt-zip-hoodie","title":"Lolcow Crypt Zip Hoodie","description":"\u003cdiv class=\"product-description\"\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e🧟 Lolcow Crypt Zip Hoodie\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe dead walk — and they look \u003cem\u003egood\u003c\/em\u003e. This all-over print zip hoodie features the Lolcow Crypt zombie cow mascot in full undead glory. Dark, spooky, and dripping with graveyard energy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eStraight from the crypt of \u003cstrong\u003eG Laden, Jaffe, and TechProtect\u003c\/strong\u003e. Rep the undead herd wherever you go.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv style=\"border: 2px solid #2E7D32; border-radius: 8px; padding: 16px; margin: 16px 0; background-color: #1a1a1a;\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e🎨 PERSONALIZE IT!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAdd YOUR NAME to this hoodie! After adding to cart, include your customization details in the order notes or look for the personalization field at checkout.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eProduct Specs:\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAll-over print sublimation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex zip-up\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSoft polyester blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSizes: 2XS–6XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"LolcowCo","offers":[{"title":"2XS","offer_id":51874132066583,"sku":"6119405_18522","price":99.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XS","offer_id":51874132099351,"sku":"6119405_18523","price":99.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":51874132132119,"sku":"6119405_18524","price":99.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":51874132164887,"sku":"6119405_18525","price":99.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":51874132197655,"sku":"6119405_18526","price":99.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":51874132230423,"sku":"6119405_18527","price":99.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":51874132263191,"sku":"6119405_18528","price":101.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":51874132295959,"sku":"6119405_18529","price":103.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":51874132328727,"sku":"6119405_18530","price":105.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":51874132361495,"sku":"6119405_18531","price":107.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"6XL","offer_id":51874132394263,"sku":"6119405_18532","price":109.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0909\/2173\/0327\/files\/all-over-print-recycled-unisex-zip-hoodie-white-front-697f701125503.png?v=1769959460"},{"product_id":"lolcow-crypt-black-glossy-mug","title":"Lolcow Crypt Black Glossy Mug","description":"\u003cdiv class=\"product-description\"\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e🧟 Lolcow Crypt Black Glossy Mug\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSip your morning brew from the depths of the Crypt. This black glossy mug features the zombie cow mascot — perfect for fueling your undead mornings.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOfficial drinkware from the Lolcow Crypt show with \u003cstrong\u003eG Laden, Jaffe, and TechProtect\u003c\/strong\u003e. Because even zombies need coffee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eProduct Specs:\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBlack glossy ceramic\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAvailable in 11oz and 15oz\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDishwasher and microwave safe\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eC-handle\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"LolcowCo","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":51874132459799,"sku":"4239050_9323","price":18.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15 oz","offer_id":51874132492567,"sku":"4239050_9324","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0909\/2173\/0327\/files\/black-glossy-mug-black-11-oz-front-697f701c1eba7.png?v=1769961006"},{"product_id":"lolcow-crypt-snapback-hat","title":"Lolcow Crypt Snapback Hat","description":"\u003cdiv class=\"product-description\"\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e🧟 Lolcow Crypt Snapback Hat\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTop off your undead look with the \u003cstrong\u003eLolcow Crypt Snapback\u003c\/strong\u003e. Black with the zombie cow mascot and bold \u003cstrong\u003eCRYPT\u003c\/strong\u003e text — because the dead dont do subtle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOfficial merch from the Lolcow Crypt show featuring \u003cstrong\u003eG Laden, Jaffe, and TechProtect\u003c\/strong\u003e. Rise from the grave in style.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eProduct Specs:\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic snapback fit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAdjustable snap closure\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eStructured crown\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFlat brim\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eOne size fits most\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"LolcowCo","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51874132721943,"sku":"4857905_4792","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0909\/2173\/0327\/files\/classic-snapback-black-front-697f702cdef1a.png?v=1769959485"},{"product_id":"lolcow-crypt-tee","title":"Official Lolcow Crypt Tee","description":"\u003cdiv class=\"product-description\"\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e🧟 Official Lolcow Crypt Tee\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eRisen from the dead and ready to rep the \u003cstrong\u003eLolcow Crypt\u003c\/strong\u003e. This black tee features the iconic zombie cow mascot clawing its way out of the graveyard with bold \u003cstrong\u003eCRYPT\u003c\/strong\u003e text — straight from the undead herd.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAs seen on the Lolcow Crypt show with \u003cstrong\u003eG Laden, Jaffe, and TechProtect\u003c\/strong\u003e. Join the undead herd and wear the mark of the Crypt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eProduct Specs:\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex fit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk cotton\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eVibrant DTG print\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSizes: XS–5XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"LolcowCo","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":51874132787479,"sku":"4574118_9527","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":51874132820247,"sku":"4574118_4016","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":51874132853015,"sku":"4574118_4017","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":51874132885783,"sku":"4574118_4018","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":51874132918551,"sku":"4574118_4019","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":51874132951319,"sku":"4574118_4020","price":38.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":51874132984087,"sku":"4574118_5295","price":39.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":51874133016855,"sku":"4574118_5310","price":40.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":51874133049623,"sku":"4574118_12871","price":42.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0909\/2173\/0327\/files\/unisex-staple-t-shirt-black-front-697f703f71e32.png?v=1769959496"},{"product_id":"lolcow-crypt-rocks-glass","title":"Lolcow Crypt Rocks Glass","description":"\u003cdiv class=\"product-description\"\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e🧟 Lolcow Crypt Rocks Glass\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePour yourself something strong — you have risen from the dead, after all. This rocks glass features the Crypt zombie cow mascot, perfect for whiskey on the rocks or whatever the undead herd is drinking.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOfficial glassware from the Lolcow Crypt show with \u003cstrong\u003eG Laden, Jaffe, and TechProtect\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eProduct Specs:\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavy base rocks glass\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHolds ~11oz\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eScreen printed design\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand wash recommended\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"LolcowCo","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51874133147927,"sku":"7595952_19793","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0909\/2173\/0327\/files\/rocks-glass-10.5-oz-left-697f7047f0c02.png?v=1769961002"},{"product_id":"lolcow-crypt-pint-glass","title":"Lolcow Crypt Pint Glass","description":"\u003cdiv class=\"product-description\"\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e🧟 Lolcow Crypt Pint Glass\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA proper pint for the properly undead. This shaker pint glass features the Crypt zombie cow — fill it with your favorite brew and toast to the graveyard crew.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOfficial glassware from the Lolcow Crypt show with \u003cstrong\u003eG Laden, Jaffe, and TechProtect\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eProduct Specs:\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic shaker pint shape\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHolds 16oz\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eScreen printed design\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand wash recommended\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"LolcowCo","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51874133278999,"sku":"2829158_16359","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0909\/2173\/0327\/files\/shaker-pint-glass-_16-oz_-16-oz-front-697f70520b296.png?v=1769959531"},{"product_id":"lolcow-crypt-snapback-hat-spruce","title":"Lolcow Crypt Snapback Hat (Spruce)","description":"\u003cdiv class=\"product-description\"\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e🧟 Lolcow Crypt Snapback Hat (Spruce)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe spruce\/dark green edition of the Crypt snapback. The zombie cow mascot lurks on this forest-toned cap — graveyard moss included, spiritually.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFrom the undead vault of \u003cstrong\u003eG Laden, Jaffe, and TechProtect\u003c\/strong\u003e on the Lolcow Crypt show. Join the herd.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eProduct Specs:\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic snapback fit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSpruce\/dark green colorway\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAdjustable snap closure\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eStructured crown\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eOne size fits most\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"LolcowCo","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51874133377303,"sku":"5222935_4809","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0909\/2173\/0327\/files\/classic-snapback-spruce-front-697f705e0326b.png?v=1769959540"},{"product_id":"unisex-zip-hoodie-5","title":"Lolcow Crypt Racing Zip Hoodie","description":"\u003cdiv style=\"font-family: Arial, sans-serif; color: #333;\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv style=\"border: 2px solid #4A148C; border-radius: 8px; padding: 12px; margin-bottom: 16px; background: #EDE7F6;\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong style=\"color: #4A148C;\"\u003e🎨 PERSONALIZE IT!\u003c\/strong\u003e Want your name on the front? Select a personalization option at checkout and become part of the Lolcow Racing pit crew!\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"font-size: 1.1em;\"\u003e🧟 \u003cstrong\u003eBack from the dead.\u003c\/strong\u003e The Lolcow Crypt Racing Zip Hoodie wraps you in an all-over NASCAR-inspired design featuring every Lolcow Universe show logo blazing down the sleeves, a checkered flag hood, and the iconic Crypt zombie cow rising from the grave across the back. This isn’t merch — it’s a victory lap.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCrafted from recycled polyester with a soft, cotton-feel outside and brushed fleece inside. Relaxed fit with drop shoulders for maximum comfort whether you’re repping at an event or dominating the couch.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 style=\"color: #4A148C;\"\u003eProduct Specs\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e95–96% recycled polyester, 4–5% elastane\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFabric weight: 9.08 oz\/yd² (308 g\/m²)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSoft cotton-feel outside, brushed fleece inside\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit with drop shoulders\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDouble-lined hood\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePremium drawstrings and zipper with metal details\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSelf-fabric collar and cuffs\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTear-away care label\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGRS (Global Recycled Standard) certified recycled content\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eOEKO-TEX 100 standard certified fabric\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMade to order — reducing overproduction, one hoodie at a time 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⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e36 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e37 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e37 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e38 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e39 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e40 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e36 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e43 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e45 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