{"title":"Lolcow Reaper","description":"","products":[{"product_id":"lolcow-reaper-pint-glass","title":"Lolcow 'Reaper' Pint Glass","description":"\u003cp\u003eYour time has come... to enjoy a perfectly chilled drink. When the daily grind feels like a death sentence, you need a beverage, and who better to serve it than the Lolcow Reaper himself?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eStraight from the fields of Xylie's farm, this pint glass features the iconic Lolcow, trading his usual shenanigans for a hood and scythe. With a deathly stare and a tongue-out expression that says \"I've come for your soul... and your snacks,\" this cow is the official mood for anyone who is simply over it. He's here to judge your drink choice and maybe reap a few bad takes along the way.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWith a generous 16 oz capacity, this high-quality shaker pint is perfect for your favorite craft beer, iced coffee, or whatever poison you pick. Its durable, classic design also makes it a fantastic mixing glass for concocting killer cocktails. Grab this legendary glass, pour one out for the fallen, and let the Grim Reeper accompany your descent into relaxation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe Grim Reeper Design:\u003c\/strong\u003e Featuring the one and only Lolcow as the Reaper, complete with a scythe and an expression that could curdle milk.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eGenerous Capacity:\u003c\/strong\u003e Holds a full 16 oz (473 ml) of your preferred life-giving elixir.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDurable Glass Construction:\u003c\/strong\u003e A simple yet sturdy design, ready to face the apocalypse (or just your dishwasher-less sink).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVersatile Shaker Shape:\u003c\/strong\u003e Perfect for enjoying a pint or using as a mixing glass for your deadliest cocktail creations.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eEternal Care:\u003c\/strong\u003e To keep this cow grim for ages, please hand-wash only. He is not a fan of dishwashers or microwaves.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eProduct sourced from:\u003c\/strong\u003e China\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eDisclaimer: This is a handmade product from natural materials, so the glass may have some tiny imperfections, such as bubbles and dots.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWIDTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLENGTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e16 oz\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e3 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e5 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"metric\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWIDTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLENGTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e16 oz\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e8.9\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e15\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"LolcowCo","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51389987651863,"sku":"9081870_16359","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0909\/2173\/0327\/files\/shaker-pint-glass-_16-oz_-16-oz-front-68d4a026bd190.png?v=1758765424"},{"product_id":"xylie-s-lolcow-reaper-snapback-hat","title":"Xylie's Lolcow Reaper Snapback Hat","description":"\u003cp class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\"\u003eThe Reaper is here, and it's a cow. Eek! Straight from Xylie's corner of the Lolcow Universe, this premium snapback features the iconic Lolcow Reaper in all its glory. With sharp, detailed embroidery on a classic structured fit, this hat is the ultimate way to top off your look and represent the community. Don't miss out on this killer piece of merch.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2 class=\"text-xl font-bold text-text-200 mt-1 -mb-0.5\"\u003eKey Features:\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc space-y-1.5 pl-7\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIconic Design:\u003c\/strong\u003e Features the legendary Lolcow Reaper in high-quality, detailed embroidery.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePremium Materials:\u003c\/strong\u003e Crafted from a durable blend of 80% acrylic and 20% wool.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic Fit:\u003c\/strong\u003e Structured, 6-panel, high-profile construction for a timeless snapback silhouette.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStay Cool:\u003c\/strong\u003e 6 embroidered eyelets provide excellent ventilation and breathability.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSignature Detail:\u003c\/strong\u003e Flat brim with a distinctive green undervisor for a pop of style.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCustomizable Comfort:\u003c\/strong\u003e Adjustable plastic snap closure ensures a perfect, one-size-fits-most fit.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSizing:\u003c\/strong\u003e Fits head circumferences from 21⅝″ to 23⅝″ (54.9 cm–60 cm).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eNote:\u003c\/strong\u003e The Green Camo colorway is a 60% cotton, 40% polyester blend.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eA (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eB (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eC (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eD (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOne size\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20 ⅛-23 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e4 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e2 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e7 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"metric\"\u003e\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eA (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eB (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eC (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eD (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOne size\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e51-60\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e11.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e6.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"LolcowCo","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51390042571031,"sku":"5403027_4792","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0909\/2173\/0327\/files\/classic-snapback-black-front-68d4a61be8401.png?v=1758766948"},{"product_id":"2025-signature-hoodie-lolcow-reaper","title":"2025 Signature Hoodie (Lolcow Reaper)","description":"\u003cp class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDon't Fear the Reaper... Join the Herd!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\"\u003eGet ready to reap some serious style points with the official Lolcow Reaper Signature Hoodie, hosted by the one and only Xylie! Eeek! This isn't just a hoodie; it's a statement. Featuring a bold black and white cow-print body, this zip-up stands out with its contrasting red and blue color-blocked sleeves, making sure you're seen whether you're lurking in the pastures or out on the town.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv style=\"border: 2px solid #4a90e2; background-color: #f0f7ff; padding: 15px; margin: 20px 0; border-radius: 5px;\"\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"font-weight: bold; margin-top: 0; color: #2c5282;\"\u003ePERSONALIZATION OPTION\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"margin-bottom: 0; color: #2c5282;\"\u003eFor an additional $10, you can add your own custom name or handle to the right breast of the hoodie. Make it truly yours! If you choose not to add a name, this area will remain blank on the final product.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch2 class=\"text-xl font-bold text-text-200 mt-1 -mb-0.5\"\u003eKey Features:\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc space-y-1.5 pl-7\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003eIconic Lolcow Reaper badge on the left breast, showing everyone you mean business.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003eCustomizable name option on the right breast to make your mark.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003eStriking design with a black cow-print body, a contrasting cow-print hood, and vibrant red and blue color-blocked sleeves.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003eThe official hoodie for Xylie's Lolcow Reaper show – Eeek!\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003ePremium, soft-feel zip-up hoodie made from recycled materials for ultimate comfort and sustainability.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSoft both inside and out, this unisex hoodie offers a relaxed fit with drop shoulders. Plus, it’s designed to last, keeping you cozy and fashionable for years to come.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• 95% recycled polyester, 5% spandex\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fabric weight 9.08 oz.\/yd.² (308 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Soft, cotton-feel fabric outside and brushed fleece inside\u003cbr\u003e\n• Unisex relaxed fit with drop shoulders\u003cbr\u003e\n• Double-lined hood\u003cbr\u003e\n• Moon patch on the inside of the back\u003cbr\u003e\n• Tear-away care label \u003cbr\u003e\n• Self-fabric collar and cuffs\u003cbr\u003e\n• Premium drawstrings and zipper with metal details\u003cbr\u003e\n• The recycled content of this product is certified under GRS (Global Recycled Standard)\u003cbr\u003e\n• The fabric is OEKO-TEX 100 standard certified\u003cbr\u003e\n• Blank product components sourced from China and the USA\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDisclaimer: In areas where the fabric is double-layered (like pockets), details from the inner fabric layer may subtly show through, especially with lighter designs.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCHEST (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWAIST (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHIPS (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e35 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e36 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e37 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e37 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e38 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e39 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e40 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e36 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e43 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e45 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e39 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e46 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e48 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e49 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e52 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e45 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e52 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e55 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e48 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e55 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e5XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e58 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e52 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e59 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e6XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e61 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e55 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e62 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"metric\"\u003e\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCHEST (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWAIST (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHIPS 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Lolcow Reaper Tee","description":"\u003cdiv class=\"product-description\"\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\"\u003eFrom the chaotic depths of the Lolcow Universe, hosted by the one and only \u003cstrong\u003eXylie\u003c\/strong\u003e, comes the official \u003cstrong\u003eLolcow Reaper Tee\u003c\/strong\u003e. This isn't just a shirt; it's a monument to every unhinged moment, every chat meltdown, and every legendary \"eek!\" that defined a stream. Featuring the grim-faced cow himself, scythe in hand, this tee is a badge of honor for true fans who've witnessed the reaping firsthand. Wear it to show your allegiance, confuse the norms, and let everyone know you were there for the madness.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2 class=\"text-xl font-bold text-text-200 mt-1 -mb-0.5\"\u003eKey Features:\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc space-y-1.5 pl-7\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003ePremium 100% combed and ring-spun cotton for a soft, comfortable fit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003eLightweight fabric with the right amount of stretch—perfect for long streams\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003eFeatures the iconic Lolcow Reaper graphic, straight from Xylie's universe\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003eOfficial LOLCOW merchandise—a must-have for any true fan\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003ePre-shrunk fabric to maintain its shape and size, wash after wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003eSide-seamed construction for a modern, flattering silhouette\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003eShoulder-to-shoulder taping for extra durability\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz.\/yd.² (142 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e\n• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e\n• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e\n• Blank product sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch1\u003eT-Shirt Size Guide\u003c\/h1\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eMeasurements in Inches\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003ctable\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eSize\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eLength\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eWidth\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eChest\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eXS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e16½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31-34\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34-37\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eM\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e38-41\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42-45\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eXL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e46-49\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e2XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e50-53\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e3XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e54-57\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e4XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e58-61\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e5XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e35\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e62-65\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eMeasurements in Centimeters\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003ctable\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eSize\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eLength\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eWidth\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eChest\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eXS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e68.6\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e78.7-86.4\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e71.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e45.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e86.4-94\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eM\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e73.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e50.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e96.5-104.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e76.2\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e55.9\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e106.7-114.3\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eXL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e78.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e61\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e116.8-124.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e2XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e81.3\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e66\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e127-134.6\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e3XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e83.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e71.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e137.2-144.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e4XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e86.4\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e76.2\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e147.3-155\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e5XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e89\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e78.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e157.5-165\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eFit Guide\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic Unisex Fit:\u003c\/strong\u003e A comfortable, true-to-size silhouette for all genders\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eTrue to Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e Pre-shrunk fabric keeps your chosen size consistent after washing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eRecommendation:\u003c\/strong\u003e Prefer a roomier streetwear look? Order one size up\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eAll measurements are taken with the item laid flat and may vary slightly due to the manufacturing process.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"LolcowCo","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":51390745182487,"sku":"9263324_9527","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":51390745215255,"sku":"9263324_4016","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":51390745248023,"sku":"9263324_4017","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":51390745280791,"sku":"9263324_4018","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":51390745313559,"sku":"9263324_4019","price":37.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":51390745346327,"sku":"9263324_4020","price":39.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":51390745379095,"sku":"9263324_5295","price":41.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":51390745411863,"sku":"9263324_5310","price":42.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":51390745444631,"sku":"9263324_12871","price":42.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0909\/2173\/0327\/files\/unisex-staple-t-shirt-black-front-68d4be5447a38.png?v=1758773166"},{"product_id":"official-lolcow-reaper-windbreaker","title":"Official Lolcow Reaper Windbreaker","description":"\u003cp class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eReap the Elements, Lolcow Style!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"whitespace-pre-wrap break-words\"\u003eBrace for impact! The official Lolcow Reaper Windbreaker, hosted by the one and only Xylie, is here to shield you from the chaos. This isn't just a windbreaker; it's your new uniform for navigating the wild world online and off. The body features a subtle, black-on-black cow-spot pattern, while the sleeves and hood explode with a gritty, distressed gradient that shifts from a moody teal to a deep, ominous crimson. It’s the perfect blend of stealth and statement.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv style=\"border: 2px solid #ac2a3d; background-color: #f9e6e8; padding: 15px; margin: 20px 0; border-radius: 5px;\"\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"font-weight: bold; margin-top: 0; color: #781c29;\"\u003ePERSONALIZE YOUR GEAR\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"margin-bottom: 0; color: #781c29;\"\u003eMake this windbreaker uniquely yours! For a small additional fee, you can add your name or handle to the right breast in crisp white text. Show your allegiance and let everyone know you're part of the herd. If you choose not to add a name, this area will remain blank.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch2 class=\"text-xl font-bold text-text-200 mt-1 -mb-0.5\"\u003eKey Features:\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc space-y-1.5 pl-7\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIconic Mascot:\u003c\/strong\u003e Features the legendary Lolcow Reaper character on the left breast, scythe at the ready.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnique Design:\u003c\/strong\u003e A custom black-on-black cow pattern body contrasted with distressed teal-to-crimson gradient sleeves and hood.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAll-Weather Protection:\u003c\/strong\u003e Made from a lightweight, water-resistant polyester fabric that’s perfect for windy, rainy, or sunny days.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eComfort First:\u003c\/strong\u003e A breathable mesh lining reduces static and keeps you comfortable without the bulk.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eFunctional Details:\u003c\/strong\u003e Comes complete with a full-zip front, elastic cuffs to keep the wind out, a roomy hood, and essential side pockets.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct Details:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e• 100% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 2.21 oz\/yd² (75 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e• Lightweight, water-resistant fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Breathable mesh lining, reduces static\u003cbr\u003e• Regular fit\u003cbr\u003e• Elastic cuffs\u003cbr\u003e• Hood and side pockets\u003cbr\u003e• Zippable front\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCHEST (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLENGTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSLEEVE (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e21\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e25 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e23\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e25\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"metric\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCHEST (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLENGTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSLEEVE (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e53.3\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e71.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e64.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e55.9\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e73\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e66\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e58.4\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e75\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e66.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e61\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e76.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e68\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e63.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e78.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e68.6\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e66\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e80.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e69.9\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e68.6\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e82.6\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e71.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"LolcowCo","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":51411252117783,"sku":"8490532_15707","price":99.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":51411252150551,"sku":"8490532_15708","price":99.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":51411252183319,"sku":"8490532_15709","price":99.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":51411252216087,"sku":"8490532_15710","price":99.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":51411252248855,"sku":"8490532_15711","price":99.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":51411252281623,"sku":"8490532_15712","price":101.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":51411252314391,"sku":"8490532_15713","price":103.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0909\/2173\/0327\/files\/all-over-print-mens-windbreaker-black-front-68dc9ac1d4e92.png?v=1759288041"},{"product_id":"josh-xylies-drinking-vessel-of-doomrocks-glass","title":"Josh 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Rep the darkest corner of the Lolcow universe with a jersey that screams \"I have impeccable taste and questionable morals.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eCrafted from 100% recycled polyester because even death cares about the environment now, this bad boy features \u003cstrong\u003emoisture-wicking fabric\u003c\/strong\u003e to keep you dry whether you're dominating the ice rink or just sweating through another unhinged Lolcow Reaper episode. The \u003cstrong\u003etwo-way stretch\u003c\/strong\u003e and relaxed fit mean you can move freely while looking absolutely menacing. Plus, \u003cstrong\u003eUPF50+ protection\u003c\/strong\u003e keeps the sun from reaping YOU—ironic, we know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis jersey is made-to-order just for you, which means it takes a little longer to arrive but also means you're not contributing to wasteful overproduction. Xylie and Josh would approve of your thoughtful consumer choices (probably). \u003cstrong\u003eGear up, Death Squad.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eSize Chart\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003ctable border=\"1\" cellpadding=\"8\" cellspacing=\"0\"\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eSize\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eA (Width)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eB (Length)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eC (Sleeve Length)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eD (Sleeve Width)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e2XS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e21 ⅝\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27 ¾\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e9 ⅝\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e19 ½\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eXS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22 ½\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28 ⅛\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e9 ⅞\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e19 ⅞\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e23 ¼\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28 ¾\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e10\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20 ¼\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eM\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29 ⅛\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e10 ¼\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20 ⅝\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e25 ⅝\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29 ⅞\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e10 ⅜\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e21\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eXL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27 ⅛\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30 ⅞\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e10 ⅝\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e21 ½\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e2XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28 ¾\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31 ⅞\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e10 ⅞\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e21 ⅞\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e3XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30 ¼\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32 ⅝\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e11 ¼\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e4XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31 ⅞\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33 ⅝\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e11 ⅜\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22 ¼\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e5XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33 ½\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34 ⅝\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e11 ⅝\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22 ½\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e6XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e35\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e35 ⅜\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e11 ¾\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22 ⅝\"\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e","brand":"LolcowCo","offers":[{"title":"2XS","offer_id":51682985443607,"sku":"1474637_18666","price":65.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XS","offer_id":51682985476375,"sku":"1474637_18667","price":65.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":51682985509143,"sku":"1474637_18668","price":65.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":51682985541911,"sku":"1474637_18669","price":65.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":51682985574679,"sku":"1474637_18670","price":65.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":51682985607447,"sku":"1474637_18671","price":65.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":51682985640215,"sku":"1474637_18672","price":67.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":51682985672983,"sku":"1474637_18673","price":71.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":51682985705751,"sku":"1474637_18674","price":75.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":51682985738519,"sku":"1474637_18675","price":78.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"6XL","offer_id":51682985771287,"sku":"1474637_18676","price":80.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0909\/2173\/0327\/files\/all-over-print-recycled-hockey-fan-jersey-white-front-693303e4832bf.png?v=1764951097"},{"product_id":"lolcow-reaper-hoodie-xylie-joshs-death-drip","title":"Lolcow Reaper Hoodie - Xylie \u0026 Josh's Death Drip","description":"\u003cp\u003eWhen Xylie and Josh aren't harvesting drama from the darkest corners of the internet, they're probably wearing this exact hoodie. The \u003cstrong\u003eLolcow Reaper Hoodie\u003c\/strong\u003e is your official uniform for diving into the abyss of internet chaos—soft enough to cry into during emotional streams, edgy enough to intimidate your haters at the grocery store.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis bad boy features a \u003cstrong\u003edouble-lined hood with design on both sides\u003c\/strong\u003e because why flex once when you can flex twice? The brushed fleece interior feels like wrapping yourself in a cloud made of shattered dreams and premium comfort. With a relaxed unisex fit and drawstrings to adjust your concealment level, it's perfect for late-night content binges, cemetery photoshoots, or just existing in your villain era.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSpecs for the detail-obsessed:\u003c\/strong\u003e Soft cotton-feel fabric face, brushed fleece inside, overlock seams that won't fall apart faster than YouTube drama, and a fabric weight of 9.08 oz.\/yd.² that hits that perfect balance between cozy and structured. Because looking good while discussing internet carnage is non-negotiable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eJoin the dark side. Grab your Reaper hoodie and let Xylie and Josh guide you through the chaos—one roast, one story, one perfectly timed callout at a time.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCHEST (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWAIST (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHIPS (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e35 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e36 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e37 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e37 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e38 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e39 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e40 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e36 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e43 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e45 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e39 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e46 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e48 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e49 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e52 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e45 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e52 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e55 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e48 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e55 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e5XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e58 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e52 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e59 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e6XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"LolcowCo","offers":[{"title":"2XS","offer_id":51682991472919,"sku":"7588172_18730","price":99.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XS","offer_id":51682991505687,"sku":"7588172_10869","price":99.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":51682991538455,"sku":"7588172_10870","price":99.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":51682991571223,"sku":"7588172_10871","price":99.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":51682991603991,"sku":"7588172_10872","price":99.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":51682991636759,"sku":"7588172_10873","price":99.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":51682991669527,"sku":"7588172_10874","price":101.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":51682991702295,"sku":"7588172_10875","price":103.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":51682991735063,"sku":"7588172_18731","price":105.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":51682991767831,"sku":"7588172_18732","price":107.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"6XL","offer_id":51682991800599,"sku":"7588172_18733","price":109.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0909\/2173\/0327\/files\/all-over-print-recycled-unisex-hoodie-white-front-6933049e2c63e.png?v=1764951311"},{"product_id":"lolcow-reaper-tee-josh-xylies-death-drip","title":"Lolcow Reaper Tee - Josh \u0026 Xylie's Death Drip","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhen the Reaper calls, you answer in style.\u003c\/strong\u003e Josh and Xylie don't mess around, and neither does this tee. 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Relaxed fit with drop shoulders for maximum comfort whether you’re repping at an event or dominating the couch.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 style=\"color: #212121;\"\u003eProduct Specs\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e95–96% recycled polyester, 4–5% elastane\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFabric weight: 9.08 oz\/yd² (308 g\/m²)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSoft cotton-feel outside, brushed fleece inside\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit with drop shoulders\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDouble-lined hood\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePremium drawstrings and zipper with metal details\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSelf-fabric collar and cuffs\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTear-away care label\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGRS (Global Recycled Standard) certified recycled content\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eOEKO-TEX 100 standard certified fabric\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMade to order — reducing overproduction, one hoodie at a time 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